My wife, Sage, and I recently got married on April 28th, 2022. During the planning phase trying to figure out what to include in your ceremony can be very difficult. But, something that was not difficult for us to decide was whether or not we were going to write our own vows. Writing your own vows is extremely special. It can be the perfect way (on a perfect day) to publicly promise things to each other, share your praises of your soon spouse-to-be to all of your friends & family, or lighten things up by throwing in a joke or two. So, that's what we decided to do!
I'm honestly not quite sure how long it took for her to write her vows to me, but I know it took me a little while. Not because I didn't have plenty to say to or about her. It took me so long because I don't know how much or little to say, how to say it concisely, or even where to start. So, learn from the things that, in hindsight, helped me write my own wedding vows.
Thing #1: Begin Where You'll End
If you don't know where you're trying to go, you'll go nowhere. The same applies to many things, but especially to wedding vows. Why? Because the best way to kickstart ideas of how you'll begin while simultaneously figuring out where you're going to go with it all is to write the last line, your final statement, in your vows first. You may have been working on this final line for a while as you dreamed about this season of your life or maybe you still need some help even forming that sentence...that's ok! Thankfully I have some ideas for you: end with that final, big, special promise (it might even be an inside joke), end with an ultra-intentional romantic statement, or try ending with an empathetic line by making sure he or she knows that you're right there with them. Some of those ideas helped me actually begin. Because once you know where you're going, you can begin.
Thing #2: It's Okay to Be Yourself
It goes without saying, it's absolutely okay to be yourself! But, sometimes when we're picturing all the people on the wedding day and you feel the pressure of writing the world's best vows, all the originality and authenticity that makes you, you, just fade away. That's why I'm here to remind you that it's okay to be yourself. If you both are romantics, it's okay to make your entire vows feel like a romantic movie scene. If you're jokesters, you can, by all means, crack jokes the entire time. And, if you're right in the middle, think about balancing your vows with my "vows trifecta of feelings": romance, comedy, and sincerity. P.S "vows trifecta of feelings" is not an actual thing, but if you think it should be, let me know. For us, we were more in the middle, and since we chose to be ourselves through the writing of our vows, they became some of the most meaningful, special words we've ever said to one another. And most of the feedback we received from our wedding guests, second to "it was a perfect day," was "your ceremony was beautiful, you could tell you both were in the moment fully present with one another." Be yourself and reap the rewards.
Thing #3: Keep it Concise
You're not writing an essay and you'll need some air to talk to all of your wedding guests, so don't go too crazy. Writing your own vows is special, but if you pack too much in there, you both may not remember any of it. Plus, although some of your guests are there to really enjoy the beauty of the ceremony, most are wanting to hang out with you at the party. So my words of advice are to keep it concise. I wrote out my vows to the point I was happy with a sort of "rough draft." From there, I timed myself reading them through, and if it just felt like too much, I would cut it. If you need an extra pair of eyes, you should always be able to count on your best man or maid/matron of honor. Timing-wise, from my experience with my own wedding, 3 minutes is plenty of time to say a lot without going too long. And, if you want to be even more straight to the point, getting around the 2-minute mark could be even better. Why does timing matter? I know it's your special day and you shouldn't feel rushed, but guests get antsy and you want them to be part of the day, not zone out. Keeping it concise will likely allow your guests to remember more of what actually happened in the ceremony!
If, after reading this, you want to do your own thing, by all means, DO IT! These are just tips, from my personal experience, for the guy or girl who might feel intimidated, or overwhelmed by the thought of writing their own vows, even if it was their idea.
